I love these ten rules about how to make a marriage work. A strong foundation is very important when it comes to marriage. As President Spencer W. Kimball once told students at a BYU Devotional, "While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more on exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person." So, a real and happy marriage is very obtainable, if we choose to take the challenges that it may throw at us and turn those challenges into things that we can reflect back on and learn from!
A short Mormon Message to go along with my previous post..... Enjoy :)
Nowadays, divorce seems to be the "easy way out" of a marriage. Often times, people enter into a civil or eternal marriage thinking, "Well, if it doesn't work out, i guess there's always divorce." Researchers have estimated that 40 to 50 percent of marriages are ending in divorce in the United States. "Faithful Latter-Day Saints are hardly immune to divorce. Precise estimates of the Latter-Day Saint divorce rate are difficult to obtain but ones estimate is that 25-30 percent of LDS couples who regularly attend church experience a divorce" (Successful Marriages and Families pg. 79). There are many options that a couple can take to strengthen their marriage when struggling. Some of them include: Speaking with their bishop, seeking out counsel from a professional, working on their weaknesses together and realizing that divorce really shouldn't be an option. And if it is, it MUST be a last resort. Parents do not realize that divorce does not only affect them, but their children also. "For a young child, psychologically, divorce is the equivalent of lifting a hundred pound weight over the head. Processing all the radical and unprecedented changes-loss of a parent, loss of a home, of friends- stretches immature cognitive and emotional abilities to the absolute limit and sometimes beyond that limit" (79). So, if you find that your own marriage is struggling, please, think of your options, of your children and of your future!
Studies show that "the habits children develop early in their lives stay with them and are difficult to change... Youth observe their parents' behavior in sports programs and often mimic the behavior when they engage in sport programs on their own. Parents interest in helping their children become flexible and curious should spend quality playtime with them and model good sportsmanship, kindness and fair play. Time spent playing with children also helps them become more secure and independant" (Successful Marriages and Families pg. 230). I believe that engaging our children in fun and meaningful activities will help us to be better parents, strenghthen the bonds within our families and most importantly, give our children a well balanced life! Here are a few ideas for wholesome family recreation:
1. Have an evening featuring the music, art, literature, or
dance of your ancestors. For example, find out who the composers of that time
were and what musical instruments people played. Play tapes or records of their
native music, and discuss how it makes you feel.
Or, you could show photographs of paintings, carvings, and
sculpture from the countries of your ancestors. Who are the artists and what do
you like about their art?
Or, talk about the literature people read at the time your
ancestors lived. Find a book, story, or poem to read from together. You might
make a family project out of reading a whole book together.
If someone in your family is a dancer, have that person learn
a native dance from the country of an ancestor and teach it to the family. Or,
you can teach each other. Find pictures to show native dance costumes.
Watch for cultural activities in your area that feature arts
from the countries of your ancestors. Attend as a family.
2. Celebrate Christmas by making presents that were popular
during your grandparents' time (see Janet Brigham, "Christmas Presents from the
Past," New Era, Dec. 1980, pp. 4041).
3. Serve a heritage dinner, with several kinds of foods if you
have ancestors from several different cultures. Let the children make and
decorate place mats. Also, make a pretty centerpiece for the table, perhaps out
of flowers native to your ancestors' countries.
4. Make flannel-board figures and use them to tell stories
from family journals and histories.
5. Past Relief Society Cultural Refinement lessons, which have
covered many countries, may help you learn about the countries of your
ancestors. Check with your ward library for copies of past Relief Society
manuals, tapes, and filmstrips.
6. Decorate your home with the colors of your ancestors' flag.
If you have Italian ancestors, use green, red, and white. If your people are
Scottish, try to find out what their clan's plaid looked like. Use these colors
in a throw pillow, a patchwork quilt, Christmas decorations, or a family
banner.
7. Do you have artists or craftsmen among your own ancestors?
Family histories—written or oral—may tell of the talents and interests of your
ancestors. Talk about carrying on the arts and crafts in your family and about
starting your own traditions.
Having faith in a family is one of the most important things a couple could have. Often times we see marriages fall apart and families hurt by things such as infidelity. When marriages fall apart many people are hurt by it. A big reason for this is the lack of faith and religion that should dwell in the home. Religion in the key to keeping a lasting marriage because it brings families closer together. When you pray and read the scriputures as a family it invites the spirit into the home and allows the family to bond together and feel a sense of peace. Attending church meetings and fulfilling church callings is also important to build a family because it helps us grow closer to our Heavenly Father who blesses our lives. When a family is closer to the Lord then they will be blessed and in times of need they will be able to turn to their father in heaven and ask in faith for help and it will be given to them. Families that don't have a firm faith to stand on, often times tend to not deal with difficult situations as easily as those who do because they in their minds don't have anyone to turn to and tend to blame each other for the things that are going wrong. Families without faith or religion in their home also seem to always be missing something, there are plenty of families out there that don't have faith and religion and in someway seem to make their marriage work, however they are always missing something in their homes. The spirit doesn't preside in their home and therefore they are missing the warm feeling and the peace that a home should have.
Going off of my previous post, I thought i would share a few pictures of my favorite temples around the US! Here they are :)
Salt Lake City, UT
San Diego, CA
Nauvoo, IL
Portland, OR
Laie, HW
WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVORITE?! :)
They Cannot Be Lost: Temple Covenants Save Marriages
As LDS couples or families, a common misunderstanding that we may have is that we will automatically make it to the Celestial Kingdom because we have been sealed in the temple and have completed all of the necessary "requirements" that we need to fulfil to make it to this kingdom on high. BUT this is not true. As temple married couples, we have to work at our marriage each and every day and strive to make it the best that it can be. Yes, it is true that those specific promises made with the Lord and with each other can never be truly lost, but it is possible that they be lost to us while in this earthly probation. It is so easy to forget the covenants we have made in the hustle and bustle of daily life. So we need to make it our goal to always remember what the real importance is in life and not let other things distract us from where we need to be going. Marriages are not the only thing that are significantly important about temple covenants though! These covenants also seal our families together for time and all eternity, and this i believe is the true blessing that the temple has to offer. Sometimes, this life can become too hard to handle for some people and especially those that are in their younger years. But through these struggles, we have one thing to hold on to and that is the fact that we can know for surety, that no matter what happens within our families, that we will have the opportunity to stick together! President Boyd K. Packer reminds us that "it is a great challenge to raise a family in the darkening mists of our moral environment" (GC Issue 1992). But the way that we can face this challenge, is through knowing that our Heavenly Father is there for us and has provided a way for us to return to him! The Proclamation to the World states that "The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally". I love this part of the proclamation because it is so reassuring and only furthers our knowledge of life everlasting, and for this I am grateful!
I found a woman who keeps a constant blog about everything you need to know about relationships! Love, dating, weddings and marriage! I absolutely love what she has to say and I thought I would share a small part of her blog with you. Chapter 6 in the "Successful Marriages and Family" text is about honoring our marital vows with complete fidelity and i wondered, "What ARE some of the things that we can do to accomplish this?" While researching, I ran across Jennie Lee Williams' Blog and loved what she wrote! Here are her 3 simple steps to how we can honor our wedding vows on a daily basis! :) 1.Spend some time snuggling One of my wedding vows was to have and to hold my husband from this day forward. We spend a lot of time together, but we often go too long without actually holding each other. When was the last time you and your spouse spent some time in each other's arms? To honor your wedding vows, consider engaging in some form of physical affection every day. Hold hands, snuggle up on the couch, go to bed at the same time, or even just give each other an extra long welcome-home hug.
2.Concentrate on the simple things Another of my wedding vows was to stick with my husband for richer or for poorer. If we ever made it to "poorer," how would our relationship look? We often spend our time plugged into electronics, and we fret over relative luxuries in life. When was the last time you and your spouse lived as though all you had was each other? To honor your wedding vows, consider spending a few quality minutes doing something simple together each day. Chat over a homemade dinner, discuss something you read that day, or take a walk outside and reconnect.
3.Implement a daily check-in One of the wedding vows I may sometimes take for granted is to honor my husband in sickness and in health. I think this wedding vow is referring not only to physical health but also to each spouse's mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being. When was the last time you asked your spouse about his day and really spent time with the answer? To honor your wedding vows, consider implementing a daily check-in. You might set some time aside to allow each spouse to share successes, fears, failures, and goals, and discuss ways you can each support one another. It's easy for wedding vows to become nothing but lip service, but your marriage doesn't have to be that way. Hopefully by keeping your wedding vows in mind each day, you'll have no trouble with the last one: to be together as long as you both shall live! She's GREAT! Check out her blog! Here's the link below:
Above are some statistics researched in 2011 about the difference between U.S. Mormons and the General U.S. Public which i find very interesting....and might I add, I'm a little bit prideful.
I found this quote and believe that it is truly the tool to a successful marriage (in my opinion of course). Taking responsibility for somebody other than yourself and becoming completely selfless should be the root of every successful marriage. These days, "people have learned to discard everything from paper plates to spouses" (Bateman and Bateman, 2003, p. 7), and sadly, this is the truth. The true tools of a successful marriage will come naturally when we have the desire to learn more about each other. Foundational processes are actions couples take in relation to each other to help their marriage flourish. These things can be small and simple like weekly date nights or focusing on continuing courtship after marriage. They can also be things like completing simple service acts for each other or small acts of kindness to prove selflessness.
The ABC's of Romantic Marriages Adore each other Best friends Compromise Discover each other's talents Encouragement Forgive and forget Gaze into each other's eyes Hug and hold hands Inspire and intrigue Joke around Kiss, kiss, kiss Love whole-heartedly Marvel at each other Nurturing Overcoming obstacles Pray daily together Quiet each other's fears Remember the little things Study the scriptures together Take time for tenderness Understand each other Visit the temple often Wish on stars X-press your true feelings Yearn for each other's touch Zzzzzz in each other's arms
